Almost Good! The Seattle Mariners in the Golden Age of Seattle Comedy
Whether it's laughing until you cry, or crying until you laugh, the Mariners have always inspired laughter, tears, and jokes. So. Many. Jokes.
April 1, 1989, a day which will live in Seattle lore and comedy infamy.
Just after 7:00 PM, Seattle’s 911 call center was inundated with calls. People called the Space Needle inquiring about the safety and whereabouts of family and friends they knew were there. KING-TV fielded nonstop calls from viewers desperate for more information. The source of the panic filling the homes of Seattle? A “special report” that interrupted the opening of the local comedy show, Almost Live!.
Looking back on this video, it seems pretty obvious it was an April Fools joke. Particularly because “April Fools” was written under the date, and because John Keister walked out and said, “Bummer about the Needle.” Seattle police were not amused (which is fine since they’ve done plenty of stuff we’re not amused by) and local officials were furious that the “newscast” pointed to the construction of the Metro bus tunnel as a potential cause. Keister and the show spent the next week apologizing for the prank.
Thankfully, the show weathered the storm and stayed on the air for another decade, including a handful of years when reruns ran on Comedy Central. During that time, they never played another elaborate April Fool’s Prank, but they did celebrate and skewer all things local, including our Seattle Mariners. In honor of the anniversary of the April Fools prank that was executed a little too well, I thought we’d take a look back at the story of the Mariners in the 1990s, as told by Almost Live!
Note: Most of the You Tube videos of these clips cannot be embedded, so there’s going to be a lot of clicking ahead (click the Watch on YouTube link in the video box). Be sure to stretch and hydrate.
The Early Days
Not sure if you’ve heard this before, but the Mariners in the 1980s? They were bad. And not bad in a good way. Just bad. Harold Reynolds likes to tell a story about wearing a Mariners t-shirt in public and someone stopping him and asking if he was in the Marines. You can hardly blame fans for not being engaged with the team. After losing the Pilots to Milwaukee, they spent almost the entirety of the Mariners’ existence hearing about how ownership wanted to move them out of town.
Almost Live! had a recurring theme called “Folk Songs of…”. Examples include, “The Slightly Inebriated” and “South King County”. In 1990, they did “Folk Songs of the Seattle Mariners” that speaks to the dismal history of the team:
Also in 1990, they did a local version of “We Didn’t Start With the Fire” with the line, “Mariners get another loss.” John Keister commented on Mariner salaries and joked about the chronic pain of fandom. In 1991, Jeff Smulyan threatens the Moose (the poor Moose is the subject of a lot of jokes) and the John Report is mostly just jokes about the Mariners being bad.
At the end of the 1992 season, in the opening monologue, John Keister sums up the Mariners season and concludes that because they stayed in Seattle, instead of moving to Florida, the season wasn’t so bad after all:
Things seemed to be turning around in 1993. After all, Chris Bosio no-hit the Red Sox. But, as this points out, Bosio going by “Boz” isn’t the best idea in Seattle (referring, of course, to Brian Bosworth of the Seahawks). In 1994, we have jokes about the bullpen and third baseman Edgar Martinez’s politically correct injury proneness, and Pat Cashman wears a Seattle Rainiers jersey to host a quiz show that asks some baseball questions.
Then, the Kingdome started to fall apart when a ceiling tile fell into the stands during batting practice, after which Almost Live! sing-asks a pertinent question:
After the Kingdome tiles fell, the Mariners were set to play out the rest of the season on the road. But the season was cut short due to the player’s strike. Come Spring Training time in 1995, the strike was going and there was talk of bringing in replacement players. Almost Live! broadcast a press conference to introduce the replacement players:
The Good Old Days
Despite the jokes about how bad the Mariners are, 1995 changed everything. For the first time the Mariners were in a playoff race and fighting to build a new stadium to stay in Seattle. Like everyone else, Almost Live! caught Mariners fever:
The High Five’n White Guys (background on the High Five’n White Guys), also caught Mariners Fever:
The newfound Mariners success obviously created new merchandise opportunities:
The Mariners’ 1995 postseason ended in a loss to Cleveland at home. One of the enduring images of that final game was turned into a Halloween costume idea:
During the 1995 season and postseason with all it’s memorable moments, people really took notice of how fantastic the Mariners broadcast team was. In this segment, Rick Rizzs and Dave Niehaus join the show along with a representative from the Low Key Baseball Network:
And Dave Niehaus calls John Keister’s Late Report:
More people were going to Mariners games and we all quickly realized that if you haven’t sat next to this guy, you just might be this guy (stay for the Joey Cora cameo at the end!):
While attending more games, we were eating food at the Kingdome and, well, here you go:
But the big issue on everyone’s mind was the new stadium. Here, a holiday medley covers the issues at hand:
And Bob Ross expresses his feelings through art:
By 1997 the stadium issue was settled and we could focus on the on-field stuff, like, uh, love:
Near the end of the Late Report, we see more Mariners merchandise:
The 1997 Mariners are remembered primarily for hitting home runs and blowing saves. 1998 picked right up where 1997 left off, complete with Bobby Ayala jokes:
The Mariners were churning out really great commercials in those days, but Almost Live! suggested a more realistic ad:
1998 also featured jokes about Bobby Ayala sinking a cruise ship and Unsolved Mysteries of Seattle wonders why we haven’t demolished the Kingdome yet.
Prior to the 1999 season, we have more Bobby Ayala jokes during the offseason. Safeco Field opened in 1999. Almost Live! imagines how that happened:
The late 90s were full of Almost Live! Bobby Ayala jokes. I really feel bad for Bobby! But before the 1999 season began, he was traded:
1999 was the final season of Almost Live! The owner of KING-TV died and her family sold the station to an out-of-state company, who sold it to another out-of-state company. And you know how news outlets have disintegrated over the years. The local comedy show didn’t have any value in the new owner’s eyes.
Almost Live! did leave one bit of hope for us here in the year 2024 though. Back in 1998, they predicted that the Mariners would play in their first World Series in the year 2026. Only two seasons away! They also imagined what the corporate sponsorship situation would look like. Who says you can’t predict the future?!
After the end of Almost Live! the Mariners had a couple good years, then went another two decades without a postseason appearance. A few years before they made the playoffs again, The Needling popped up, a Seattle-based satire site modeled off of The Onion.
Sample headlines:
Fan Cheated of Authentic Mariners Experience After Attending Winning Game
How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Mariners’ Season to Collapse Like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression
Mariners Spotted Having Steamy Summer Fling with Winning
Quiz: Is It Organ Failure or Did You Just Watch That Mariners Game?
Mariners’ Cal Raleigh Launches Line of ‘Lil’ Dumper’ Baby Diapers
Seattle Mariners Announce You Are Playing Outfield Next Season in Latest Cost-Saving Move
Is it possible that thriving local comedy is the key to the Mariners success?
If you’re gonna laugh, it’s better to laugh until you cry than to cry until you laugh.